Im really fucking scared about the circumstances, about project 2025 on the US and the rise of fascism in what seems to be the entire world. as my country, that idolizes the United States watches, deciding if to copy or not.

I feel watched, the thirst of the people that want to kill me feeling evermore present around my neck, growing tighter.. i am transgender and a pervert, a pedophile, and all else that they hate.

They keep saying in their propaganda that anything transgender is grooming, that we have to safeguard kids from these degenerates coming for our children, and it scares me how many people have ate it up already.

As a trans person i already feel threatened and scared, as a pervert i feel hopeless sometimes.

The argument is not about whether a pedophile deserves jail, its not about how sexual abuse happens, or how it can be stopped. no, it feels like they have already won over people over it, the answer being that it happens when bad people kidnap your children or sex them up through social media. and the answer to the problem is punish the degenerates, throw them in jail, shame them and make them kill themselves.

Common sense, a narrative so ingrained in society that it becomes a norm, a myth accepted as truth.

And so transgender people go into the defensive, the argument is that transgender people are in fact not pedophiles, that they are not associated with those perverts that we have already accepted deserve social death.

Infecting the mind, throwing other people under the bus, chewing up our own defense lines against eachother, spreading mistrust. Searching for little monsters under the bed, so they dont know you are one, clean your hands by washing them with blood.

I lack the language and terms to adequately talk about my oppression. it seems laughable to anyone that such oppression even exists. but i feel it, i feel it all the time.. i think you noticed too.. when i said, Pedophile?

It is just a word but it feels so wrong, like im already self incriminating just for acknowledging it exists, a word with double meaning; a mental illness, disabling, dehumanizing, worthy of pity... only cleansed by self flagelatting, by permanently humiliating yourself and begging for forgiveness... or a monstrous creature driven by sick pleasure,, going after your kids, hiding in plain sight, prowling, trying to take advantage of any chance they get to inflict sexual violence.

Sexual predator, sickened individual.

Both meanings happily intertwined and married together under the eyes of our lord. unable to descipher the meaning the speaker is using.

One being potentially being able to evolve into the other.

Pedophile

Anytime anyone i know says it i tense up like im awaiting a punch to the gut.

I was sickened to my core when i came to know that "To catch a predator" is a thing, to acknowledge that such a program exists, to know how badly people want blood, someone to dehumanize and murder.

To notice the lasers that have always been targeted secretely at my head for having the gull to exist, that given the slight chance i could be thrashed by them like a pack of hungry wolves.

Mutilated and eaten, right after working through the internalized guilt and self hatred i held for so many years...

The idea that for just having a fetish that you are inherently prone to violence, that you couldn't control yourself around children, that you are a danger to them and families for just existing. the constant self policing, forcing a cycle of repression and starvation that is ultimately doomed to fail.

The shame after caving in, cumming again to drawings i swore again and again i would stop watching. The guilt, internalized thoughts of self hatred, forced denial of your own nature, and isolation around not being able to talk about it, about suffering in silence, to pretend to be normal and to chip in into the blood bath when it randomly comes up in conversation lest i give away my dirty secret.

Truly believing that i was becoming a monster, that if i let my thoughts roam free i would want more and more until i do something i would truly regret.

And to see the other things i am being dragged down by the same, cursed word in society, the word that feels inherently associated to violence and perversion.

Its association used to make me believe that injustice and abuse came from desire and not from abuse of power.

It scares me, to feel like i got everyone against me, but i dont, gladly. a small fragile safety net.

After feeling like i was gonna die for multiple years, i couldn't take it, i came out as a pedophile, to the person im the closest to, i like children sexually, i have a fetish. Its not just that i have a kink for youngness, its that i dont even have a normal attraction to people. Its an integral part of my sexuality.

Im a pervert, on top of the myriads of marginalized things i already am,, and they didnt kill me, i have been repeating the same process, and i have lost people for it, but, i cant live hiding anymore.

Letting the beast out only for it to behave, now that it has the free space to roam and explore and find understanding.

I am very grateful to the people that love me despite the horrible hate campaign aimed at me everyday, and i can only hope that that number grows, and that we stop eating eachother's faces to submit to a power that wants us all dead.

The monsters you've been told about don't exist, i implore for people to stop searching for them, for the casualties are not the inflictors of violence, but your friends, and families and even yourself.

If you relate to what im writing, please, you have to live, there are people like you. you're not alone.

In times of overwhelming oppression, survival is a radical act, please keep living.